|
alright y'all, check these out. If you have any quotes you
would like to add, email them to me. Jackson ps. go take my poll if you haven't yet. "I do have a healthy diet, I eat fish and vegetables. I ain't with eating meat and chicken. What the fuck does it look like me eating chicken to the bone, fuck that. What the fuck does it look like me eating a dead bird, fuck that. An ox is strong as a motherfucker and all he eats is grass." -The RZA "Don't lie to your chick cuz you'll get busted and get grounded from the pussy." -Chris Mitchell (that's chris all over) "S.D.T.A.G.W: Some damn thing always goes wrong." -some movie (submitted by bryce) "It's mind over matter. I don't mind and it don't matter." -Heather "Life is tough, and everyone in one way or another is trying to cope with it. Just try not to judge or damn others before you understand them." -Greg Peek (aka "little neitzsche") "...that's why girls live longer than guys... sperm's got vitamin C in it." -"kids" (aaah, great classics of our time) "They say a person needs just these things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." -Tom Bodett "This must be the place in heaven that you go to when you suck, but didn't do anything really bad." - Butthead "Never trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and won't die." -Chris Mitchell (more chris wisdom) "I like fat bitches and i like slim Ill take a fat bitch and stick my dick right in her phat ass an Ill cum again, the mack bitch I fucked her I saw your home girl she said whats up wit us I said nothing- fucked her on the tour bus." -John's 2short quote (there ya go man) "You think the price of education is expensive then try the price of ignorance." -Johnnie Zimmerman (big z~yeah, he's full of shit like: special forces muthafucka!) "Yes, yes, lack of motivation is key. I think that is what I learned in Morris's class... slack slack slack, shout "Holy Fucking Shit!" the night before, and then decide lack of sleep is detrimental to your health and do that instead..." -Linda Permann "The road to F's is paved with good intentions (of actually using the computer to do WORK)." -Linda Permann again "Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometime's it's just another way to bleed." -Laurell K. Hamilton "Ship the program now, fix the bugs later. Where do you think Microsoft would be if they waited until their products actually worked before shipping?" -some tv show "When a Lion is hunting for a gazelle to eat, he searches for the weakest, the oldest, the slowest, the sickest gazelle. The sick and slow are eliminated from the herd this way. Thus, making the herd stronger and healthier, so that it can survive as a whole. When OldeEnglish Brand "800" Fine Malt Liquor is introduced to the brain; it kills brain cells. It kills the weakest, the oldest, the slowest, the sickest brain cells. Ultimately, making the brain stronger and making us smarter because the slow brain cells are no longer present to slow down the healthy ones." -from the OE home page "I log in, therefore I am. Reality is for people without Internet access." -Derneval R. R. da Cunha Dad: "Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?" Son: "From The President of the United States." -some email I got "Droop, there it is..." -Troy dogg talking about some old lady "I have only one best friend, and it takes about two pounds of force to rip his nuts off." -some really weird girl "For halloween I dressed as a well-adjusted teenager." -this boy/girl from Matt's old high school "I've been in more laps than a napkin." -Dru Fox "Crack is bad... real bad." -someone's guestbook entry. gotta wonder about stuff like that "God gave man a dick and a brain but only enough blood to run one at a time." -katie (women... figures, they haven't read the rules) "Sure, God's all powerful... but does he have nips?" -alice in chains(thanks mattdogg) "You can't spell special without CIA." -stacy the hard calves cali girl "Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students." -uh.. i forgot "the older I get, the younger I like them." -someone's dirty grandpa (could have been kyle. hahaha!) Dan: "You have nipples?" Jon: "Yeah, 3. Well, no... 2, since he bit that one." -ingenious friends of mine "my brain is as sharp as a really sharp thing" -the mold "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere..." -Dru Fox (more wisdom from my friend) "Why does every car wreck story start out, 'This stupid bitch...'?" -one Chris MItchell sent. "That which does not kill us makes us stranger." -Aeon Flux "But officer I saw it on TV and they got away with it." -another one from Chris "This stuff tastes like shit. Oh well it's beer... drink it." -probably Carl's goof ass "It's okay to love your sister, just dont LOVE your sister." -Stacy and her permanent Cali Tan goodness "carpet's thirsty" -matt's friend andy, contemplating pouring vodka in it "Wanna hear an oxymoron? Microsoft Works." -matt's brother(a wise young man) "Dammit, I Katied the car!" -matt, while executing parking maneuvers similar to his girlfriend's "A fine looking woman is like a coke bottle, all turned out like a coke bottle and shit. So what's a Pepsi? Well, she looks all right, but she just dont taste the same." -miss sofa "If I was an eagle, I'd quack like a duck." -random aol-er "I'm going to sit in the schmoking shection and get drunk!" -drunk chick at a bar from sofa "This party here fo' grown folks" -a friend of fordy curran "Gimme back my willis so i can suck on it" -nuh "Farty-fart!" -kevin "you show me one independent film that's not about gay couples eating pussy" -cartman "Man is divided into three classes, viz. The hare man, the bull man, and the horse man, according to the size of his lingam. Woman also, according to the depth of her yoni, is either a female deer, a mare, or a female elephant." -taken from the kama sutra "Software is like sex- the best is for free." -Linus Torvalds "You may not remeber us, but we are your parents.... We live just down the street/road. Blue house, gravel driveway...remember????" -my dad :) "If I was a lesbian, I wouldn't be a butch lesbian. I'd definately be the woman of the relationship." -katie "Trying to find a parking space at 10 in the morning is like trying to figure out why all sorority girls dress the same." -the Diamondback "damn jerbels... run in your wheel you bitch. eat your jerbel food and shit on yesterdays paper" -moi (irritated at jerel for some reason) "Straighten out you faggot car!" -fat matt "You can never know your limits until you have gone beyond them" -John(aka Winston Churchill aka SAC aka the queefmasta J)'s teacher "Trying to get Internet Explorer out of Win98 is like tryng to get rid of herpes." -slashdot.org "My asshole was the size of Rhode Island this morning... now it's the size of Texas though!" -a stupid jerel "Teaching a woman how to drive is like trying to nail jell-o to a tree" -an anonymous source a response to a comment on 40's on slashdot.org: "Cheap and strong like ten cent perfume! Get the hell out of my face with your football-sponsoring yeasty liquid! Malt liquor, the PEOPLE'S choice!" -slashdot.org "Profanity is the language all programmers know best." -once again, another slashdot quote:) Somebody said: "It was once said that a million monkey typing at a million keyboards could reproduce the works of Shakespeare" or some shit like that... and somebody replied with: "If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, you end up with warez and porn." -another submitty from fat matt spong "That's how you know how people are gay; cuz when you're on acid you can throw around people to see if they're gay cuz gay people don't leave trails" -the product of 10 minutes worth of thought from matt and jon "Don't whine about not having any cigarettes. I whine about not getting any ass, but that doesn't get me any." -matt "That's why I said it- im pelatahic" -mike "Ground down; up up!!!" -Nuh "I hate readme files. They don't get to the point quick enough. I want a 'watchme' file." -Jeff Stern (one of spong's friends from Boringbury) "Oh, no, that's my spit cup!" -six words you NEVER want to hear from matt mike: "bagels..." matt: "bagels?" both, while looking at each other: "BAGELS!" -my dumbass friends:) "Windows is to Unix what 'hooked on phonics' is to Shakespeare." -sent by matt "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." -some guy from umlug spong: "hey! it's not coming out!" jerel: "well, that's cuz you don't have another hole." spong: "yeah i do!" -more of them fools "But I did brake his nose and take his knife. I still have it in my collection, I figure the mother fucker stuck it in my face so now it's rightfully mine right?" -thompson "No matter how hard you try, you can't polish a turd." -slashdot "There were only two products that came out of Berkeley. Unix and LSD. We don't believe this is a coincidence." -shashdot yet again "Do I thank it for his attention, but the lines that I have downloaded could not be beds by means of gostscript and could not be converts by means of acrobat distiller. could something become?" -some crazy foriegner responding to spong's dad via email "JESUS SAVES!!!! Passes to Moses... he shoots... HE SCORES!!!!" -some guy's signature "Opportunities multiply as they are seized." -Sun Tzu, The Art of War "Why don't we get stoned and lie out in the grass? Wait a minute, we're already stoned and I don't want to go outside." -sp0ng "Arhg... 12,612 more hours..." -mackenzie "My wang is in the tang My schlong is in the bong The bowl is in my hole." -splizzong "like bees swarm around to protect their nest of honey, i too will buzz about to protect my nest of chocolate eggs." -rob k "You know, there are major disadvantages to lubrications for use in masturbation. Vaseline is too hard to wash off, and KY, well, you try and walk up to a clerk with a bottle of that in your hand and a stupid grin on your face and see if you're welcome at any social event for the rest of your life...." -mike mac (poor guy doesn't know i quoted him:) "Seven years ago, after finding my wife spending the night with another man, I asked her to move out. I filed for divorce several months later. I've had my Corvette for 12 years now. I've had about as much sex as most any guy could want since I've been single again. My car doesn't talk back. It's not even jealous that I'm building a better car that I'm spending more time with for the moment. It knows I'll come around soon. It gives me more fun with my pants on than my ex-wife did with my pants off the last couple of years I was married. My car doesn't have a snoopy bitchy mother, or a drunken know-it-all father. Get a dog. I did......." -this guy on a mailing list i belong to "It's fuckin' hotter than mother fuckin' molasses outside..." -shandogg wering, in an uncharacteristic burst of profanity, in a characteristically airheadedness:) (submitted by good ol' candy-ass candace barnes) "Kids today would be alright if they got off the crack." -damn i forget where i picked up this gem of a quote... "Yes, but what about ugly programmers? It's not as simple as walking outside and meeting someone. You first have to go to the gym and beef up, and that takes too much time, etc... it's too much trouble - in the end, a bottle of vasoline and an asian schoolgirl porno account is more efficient." -slashdot once again "I love this fucking University, and this University loves fucking me." -fortune "my momma always said, don't put both your nuts in one mouth unless you're sure she won't bite down" -i forget "My dumbest ticket ever? I was pulled over because the number the dial on my dashboard was pointing to was higher than the number painted on a sign on the side of the road." -rec.audio.car newsgroup "While I have your attention - I must confess that I behaved in a rather inapporpriate way with a sheep when I was young. Please forgive me, I was young and foolish." -slashdot strikes again "That would be more frustratin than Gary Coleman 69 n a six foot stripper!" -larry the cable guy (submitted by NAD) "maybe i should write an os that puts pretty windows up everywhere and crashes every (100*rand)*2.3 minutes but everything installs easy as shit (in 5 hours) all the drivers and programs you'll need for the os to work. of course it won't work, it'll just be a loop counting down the time until the next crash, but it'll look nice and have neat sounds and neat check boxes. i'd be a trillionaire. as long as gates inc doesn't kill me first. jerel btw, i patented this idea earlier, so don't go trying to steal my idea.
that especially means you, matt."
Go home and make more babies, bitches." |
want to submit a quote? click here
some other stuff i felt like adding to tha quotes section:
* my nifty poll
* the guys fave, THE RULES
* an AIM conversation i had with some idiot
* for all y'all programmers, a prog fat matt wrote to describe himself.....
* a funny call in to the microsoft helpline.